THAT HIPSTER GUY.

This week:

I am listening to: Day Wave, Talib Kweli, Lights

What I’m pairing my Diet Coke with: Window shopping, barre classes, posi vibes

Blogger of the week: Lindsay Bright of Memphis Moms Blog
Read her most recent post here

 

 

THAT HIPSTER GUY.

WHERE IT STARTS

Me: Watch this video about Austin hipsters

Rachel: No, I’m already in bed watching Portlandia. That’s like the same thing.

Me: Don’t no me. I just spent 30 minutes stalking Tony’s ex since she blocked you.

Rachel: And… you didn’t find anything interesting. I’ve already seen this one.

Me: When did you see it? It like came out today.

Rachel: Are you asking because you think that guy is hot?

Me: Ughhh.

Rachel: Mmhm.

Me: Okay. So. I commented on this guys post of sharing the video, who’s his friend, because I think if he sees that I commented he will look at the thumbnail and be like oh okay this girl is hot and then ask that guy about me and then request to follow me and then message me and be like hey I love you.

Rachel: Oh okay, well let me know how that works out.

Me: You realize you did this with that guy Todd you met at Emos, right? That was a long time ago, but I didn’t forget.

Rachel: UGH. Touché.

Me: 🙂

Rachel: I just stalked, he lives in Austin. Sending screen shots in 5. XOXO

WHERE IT STAGNATES

Rachel: What up? When are we gonna rally? Day 3 betch.

Me: Okay so I was thinking we should meet up early for a drink and stop by my friend’s show.

Rachel: Like what time?

Me: 2:45pm somewhere that isn’t really down town but not south IDK I’ll figure that out.

Rachel: That’s early :/ What friend? This wasn’t in our plans. I want prosecco.

Me: You will drink vodka water and like it. Okay, well this guy Bruce is my internet friend and he messages me from time to time and he told me they are playing.

Rachel: Lol the guy from that hipster video is in this band. I see. Don’t test my social media stalking talent.

Me: I hate you.

Rachel: Constance…

Me: I just want to see if he makes eye contact with me or hits on me because it’s unfinished business.

Rachel: Haha, you’re so fucking psycho.

Me: That’s why we are best friends.

LATER THAT DAY

Rachel: He didn’t even give you an actual “Hi” AND didn’t know your name. And then those two girls tried “to fight us” soooo…

Me: We literally almost died those girls were going to—

Rachel: No we weren’t. CHILL.

Me: But-

Rachel: No. Constance just no.

Me: He didn’t know my name. He’s hot right? Right?

Rachel: Get in the car crazy pants.

HOUSTON WE HAVE CONTACT

The day he messaged me I instantly woke up from my power nap. (More like hung over nap)

Christian: I feel like from what social media tells me you and I are very much on the same page. Culinarily speaking.

(Ohhh I got someone’s attention! Changing your profile picture does wonders sometimes.)

Me: This is true. Insert pizza emoji HERE. pizza

Dear Constance,

This is your brain. Answer vague. Act like you don’t care about anything in this entire conversation. Nothing. You literally don’t give a shit. You may proceed.

All the love,

Your Brain

Christian: How do we not explore new places all the time? Most of my friends are not about that life. So much to try! What’re your top 5 right now? To try.

(Okay is he inquiring because he’s curious as to what I have tried and he hasn’t? Or…??? If your friends aren’t about that life, why are you friends with them?)

Me: Some place on the east side where it’s farm to table I need to check on the name? The Peached Tortilla, East Side Showroom, Odd Duck, and Blue Cat Cafe. You?

(LOL I just made that up.)

Christian: Are those things you’ve tried or haven’t tried? And is Blue Cat good? Or like kitschy.

(I googled kitschy.Yo. Do you like want my food bio for the past fucking year of my life?)

Me: No way. Kitschy probably. I’m behind the times man.

Christian: Ok east side is amazing. And super romantic. And I want Odd Duck to be awesome. But I’ve been 3 times and I’m always underwhelmed… like one great dish, two decent ones and one that isn’t great.

Me: Oh that sucks.

(Super romantic…? Confused by that statement. Will obsess over for 5 minutes.)

Christian: I’d still go I think I’ve just had bad luck.

(Why would you go a 4th time if the first 3 times weren’t good? Yeah, you should totally go back ASAP. Like run, don’t walk.)

Me: Well I was pretty underwhelmed by their brunch menu. I remember that. What else should I try?

(Still playing along)

Christian: My list right now:

(Oh god. Here he goes. *pulls out nail filer*)

Is St Phillp, Prelogs, Vox Table, Fixe, Olamaie, Gardener (even though I’ve already been I need to go back) Dai Due, High Tower. La V is a go back soon place too Depending on what you’re looking for I could find it.

Me: St Philip , La Vie and Vox are also on my list!

(I scrolled through his profile pictures, relationship status, college, mutual friends, etc)

Christian: Dude I hear amazing shit about Vox And La V is where I went for my birthday. Their wine list is literally the best I’ve ever seen.

(Okay, Anthony Bordain get to the fucking point.)

Me: Good to know. Are you suggesting we go to one of the places together…? Or?

Christian: I would love that.

Me: Haha then come out and say it.

Dear Constance,

Hold your horses desperate loser.

All my love,

Your brain.

Christian: I need a dinner buddy. All my dudes think I’m weird.

(So… then this isn’t a date. )

GIRLS NIGHT

I sat at a table in a dark bar. Five of the prettiest girls I know filled a circle booth. The moon colored lights reflected on white teeth from big grins. Red wine the color of sparkling garnets filled tall wine glasses and with green bottles in the center, the color that would make good sea glass one day. It was a nice balance of garnets and emeralds on the table.. Legs crossed under the table, feet touching other feet without a care. iPhones either in hand or on the table. Fingers like kindergarten painters scrolling thru Instagram exchanging laughter and casual punches in the shoulder. Lexi still packs her cigarettes like she did in high school. Rachel still talks with her hands like she did in college. I had to be the first one to talk. I had to get it out of my system.

Me: He’s doing this thing where he is giving me one hint a day about the place.

Lexi: Omg… dumb.

Mariah: That’s cute.

Brittney: Josh just texted me and asked to do X-Y-Z later. If you’re going to ask me it means I don’t want to do it. I think I’m done should I open Tinder again?

Lexi: I need to talk about Brandon. I need to make it clear that I am NOT going to fold like a napkin and call him. Like I’m not going to talk to him for like a month. Okay like 3 weeks. Okay at the very least 2 weeks. You know I just-

Mariah: How about we decide on never responding to him and call it a day. How does he think it’s cool to respond with a meme?

Me: IT WASN’T EVEN A GOOD MEME. Omg, can we talk about me please?

Lexi: Lemme see a picture now.

Rachel: Give me your phone

Brittney: Hm, probably just bring back my Bumble account I just don’t–

Lexi: Brittney why don’t you go order at the food trailer for us.

Brittney: -______-

Khloe: OOooooo

Mariah: Cute

Rachel: That’s that hipster guy lol

Lexi: Totally someone you would date.

Khloe: Totally someone Lexi would hook up with

Brittney: No it looks like my type of guy I would hook up with.

Lexi: You don’t have a type.

Brittney: Alright well, I have nothing to say back to that asshole.

Me: Correction— We all don’t have a type

Rachel: Well, you date a lot of white dudes, so yeah… I think you do.

Me: OKAY OKAY SO IS THIS A DATE OR NOT?????

Unison: YES.

Lexi: You don’t suggest all of those fancy restaurants like that unless it’s a date.

Brittney: Or you know..

Me: Ugh, what? Okay what do I wear?

Lexi: No underwear. Haha! I’m funny today.

Me: STFU.

Brittney: IDK black. My entire wardrobe is black.

Me: Are you calling me fat?

Rachel: Be yourself. Wear black skinnies and a cute top (this is Rachel’s answer for all wardrobe concerns)

Me: YO! You two… CHILL

Mariah: Ya’ll are all out of control. Another bottle? Yes/No?

Me: Well obviously we need 2.

2 DAYS LATER

Wouldn’t you love to know.

constance07