I am listening to: Beach Slang, Frankie Rose, Carly Rae Jepson
What I’m pairing my Diet Coke with: vintage tees, carpal tunnel
My Blogger pick: The Harvard College Women’s Center blog
Are you Bumbling right now?
Bumble. It’s this dating app where only the girl can send the first message and you meet each other’s parents before the second date.
Enter scene: Another Sunday, another brunch.
Khloe: You guys…I have a confession to make.
Khloe: I’m bumbling again.
*** Bumbling means you are on Bumble. Google it.
Lexi: So…did you break up with Bobby yet? Awkward…
Khloe: Yes I did!
Brittney: Ditto…. I am also on bumble…
Khloe: Oh Britt!!! Confession time! I have some dates lined up 🙂
Me: Oh lord. I was on bumble last week for 6 hours. 3 of those hours I was at work, so technically I was on it for 3 hours. I couldn’t take it. I managed to find an NFL football player. But I only messaged him to tell him that I loved the Patriots and I was sorry he had to play on the team that he was playing on. He sent me an LOL and asked me out to dinner. I said nothing.
Khloe proceeds to show us photos of three different prospective dates. All of them are very attractive. Khloe always pulls hot dudes, and let it be known that she is not your average hot. She is a head turner, ya know? And she had a kid and looks super fit so like, #goals. I always ask her opinion on my work out regimen and when I don’t like what I hear I just pretend that my body is an exception and different from everyone’s and that her rules don’t apply to me. (She is a certified personal trainer and knows her shit)
Brittney: Oh God.
Khloe: What??? What are you God-ing about?
Brittney: Guy in the second picture… came over to Lexi’s birthday party at like 2 am. We drank a lot. He spent the night at my house, I DID NOT touch him, THANK GOD, and then I ubered him home in the morning because his phone died…
Lexi: All true.
Me: OH MY GOD.
Brittney: It was a $3.00 uber ride. I screen shotted the price and sent it to Constance. So yeah Khloe…. tell him, sup??
Me: I can’t right now dude.
Me: Oh you guys keep me young… love you so much.
Brittney: Everyone met him that night but you weren’t there Khloe.
Me: This is true, I remember that guy.
Khloe: Wait, so what do I do?
Brittney: I mean, he seemed nice-ish? We pretended we would grab a drink..at some hypothetical date in the future.
Khloe: I meant like what do I say to him? I want to be like …I think we have some mutual friends…… Ugh, I love you guys.
Brittney: Hahah well IDK.
Khloe: I even have a picture of us together on my Bumble profile. He should have seen that?? Like helllooooo!
Brittney: He probably doesn’t remember.
Mariah enters our brunch late.
Mariah: Catch me up on whatever bullshit is going on here.
Lexi pours her a glass of wine and tells her the story in 45 seconds
Mariah: Eskimo sisters.. cheers!
Khloe: Omg stop it. Wait, Constance, what else happened on Bumble for you in those 3 hours?
Me: Yes! I got really lucky. Check it. MBA, homeowner, and super attractive. His name is Evan.
Everyone’s hands go out to grab my phone for pictures.
Me: Okay, his Facebook is pulled up on her phone, and MY phone is going counter clockwise for pictures. And his Instagram handle is ____________.
Lexi: Snap chat?
Me: I don’t have that.
Khloe: Got it.
Brittney: Yes! Super cute.
Me: Okay, can we all confirm that no one at this table has matched with him, or gone on a date with him?
Everyone agrees that they haven’t and I like to think they kind of wish they found him first.
Lexi: So what’s happening now?
Me: Date # 2 completed. He met my dad and his mom and I are now Facebook friends.
Me: Allow me to explain. I invited him to the Ruby Wolf launch party because I don’t know why…I just did. I didn’t think he would actually come let alone bring 4 friends. Which was like really cool and–
Lexi: Oh my God your stories are so long I feel like we need an intermission some times.
Me: I hate you. Anyways, me and Aimee were running around with our heads cut off and my dad happened to be standing right next to him so I casually was like oh hi this is my dad and then I ran off. I didn’t comprehend what I was doing. It just happened so fast. Then I come to find out that they ended up talking for like 10 minutes like… poor guy.
Mariah: Yikes. Way to go.
Lexi: You lost that one. Wait well how are you and his mom friends? You added her? You’re crazy.
Me: He was really nice about it, I mean of course he gave me a hard time and made jokes about how he met dad on date #2.
Lexi: Again, your stories are soooooo long. I asked you about the mom thing and you’re going backwards.
Me: Shut. Up. Okay, so I woke up Sunday and I had a handful of friend requests and I looked at her profile and saw our mutual friends…and I just like knew it was her. I sent him a screen shot and said, um is this your mom? And he called me immediately freaking out:
Evan: Yes that’s my mom. OMG, omg how? What? When? I didn’t even tell her your name, like what is actually happening right now?
Me: Dude, I don’t know it’s not even a big deal I promise! This is hilarious.
Evan: I have to call call her immediately and call you back.
He calls back.
Evan: Alright. This is what happened. Yes I told her I was going to go out with someone. So she went through my recent friends and clicked you and then accidentally added you. She feels so embarrassed.
Me: I’m flattered. So, date #2…already met the parents.
Evan: Yeah.. so we are even now. Do you want to go to dinner on Tuesday?
Mariah: Wow I can’t even imagine what your dad was saying to him he is so hilarious.
Brittney: And to think all of this started on Bumble…
Lexi: I just got Bumble, show me how this works.
Epilogue: One of us is on date #5 with the same person. One of us is going to THREE dinners this week. One of us needed to bail her out this past Saturday because her Bumble date was so bad. And all of us failed miserably at saving her, because he totally heard what we were saying.